Promises shattered Answers don't come Friends say goodbye Plans come undone Dreams get crushed Lies get told Words can turn cruel Hearts can grow cold In a Broken World, Where we cry to feel Some hope that helps these hearts to heal..
Do you know how it feels To wash your face with your salted tears? Have you cried with so much anguish and pain that your voice becomes distorted? If so, have you tried all of the above several times a day, for consecutive days?
I have.
If speaking out entitles me to an argument, I choose never to speak again. If words I used and used unto me can cut so deep, I will abandon my knowledge of them. If things could go back to how it was before, I would do anything in the world to trade for it.
But I know it can't.
I have tried to communicate. To lay down my pride and be a fool, acting silly to relieve tension, to make the situation better. To be obedient as a lackey, doing as instructed but it does not exchange for a little freedom. To send numerous smses and clutch my phone with anxiety for a reply but none came. Now I feel my insignificance but yet I am shamelessly throwing myself at them trying to attract their attention and even concern. I am so pathetic to the core. And I despise myself.
In spite of it all, they chose not to see me, much less my efforts in changing for the better. Even when I get trampled on, their first priority is whether the one who stepped on me was injured. After tripping on me she didnt fall and didn't get injured, but I, who got my feet crushed under her weight was chided for tripping her. Words in defense became excuses. What more do you want of me. How else am I supposed to defend myself.
Thus, I will not speak. Hence I would learn how to harden my heart, to turn it into stone so that it will not fall apart time and again.
Have I found you? Flightless bird, jealous, weeping Or lost you? American mouth Big pill looming
This may alienate me from my friends and loved ones. But by choosing not to speak, know that I am protecting you all from the hurt that is within me which I may fear I vent and unleash upon you. I have chosen not to speak. Don't ask me what has happened, why am I like that, whether I'm okay. This fight is one I must bear alone and agonizing it is for me, I bear hope that in the future things would brighten up. Now I'll resume to being submissive and accept my fate of being grounded under house arrest. The bail for it would be my Mid Year results. Even then, if house arrest proves effective in curbing despisable and despicable me, my jail term may prolong.
Othello's flaws stem from his insecurity and his inability to discern his weaknesses. I guess it holds truth for me as well. But I really hate being weak, even more so each time my tears fall in front of others, it's utter humiliation each time my emotions manifest itself. The worst part being I can't control them and you know what others say? I am emotional, fragile and trying too hard to gain sympathy. If I could, I want to be remembered as the Evelyn Chen a year ago who fell into the drain and could still smile through 6 months of pain, medication and restricted diet. Even if I get laughed at for a stupid thing such as falling into the drain, or even the public who stared at my wound or whisper that my wound was ugly, at least that Evelyn Chen was strong.
Have I found you? Flightless bird, grounded, bleeding Or lost you? American mouth Big pill, stuck going down
-----------------♥Blogged with love♥----------------
