After watching BOF, I've got so many songs I want as my blog song but for now this song suits me most at this moment. Probably the title caught my eye. "Fight the Bad Feeling" by T-Max. I absolutely love the drama and the OST to the max. I'll put the songs one by one, I think it can last my blog song section for months (: Right now, I need a lot of courage, determination and discipline for me to "Fight The Bad Feeling", pull myself together and work hard.
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Received super disappointing results today. Totally got the shock of my life.
And although I may appear to be cheerful around my classmates, shooters and juniors, I am seriously freaking worried and anxious within.
While walking home I did a little reflection. I remember Ms Teo getting frustrated when I didn't want to go up to the board to write and I insisted on waiting for my group to discuss the question first. She then shouted across the class "Okay Evelyn, you are wasting everyone's time. Just don't take A Levels okay!" Thank you very much. Childish me cried over that and thought Ms Teo was picking on me but now I realised what she said was true. Maybe History isn't my cup of tea. Maybe I should drop it. But in J2.. There's no turning back. And I'm seriously scared. Rajoo said he doesn't know how to help me. With the same teachers, Josh is a potential A student, Aaron and Best have unique styles of writing and Fabian and Kriffith are improving. And I'm hitting rock bottom.
Something's super wrong with me and it freaks me out that I don't know why I am like this.
Worse still, complacent as I am in certain subjects, I still studied for my exams which makes it more frightening that I am not improving but sliding down instead.
Maybe my method of studying is wrong.
History's really disappointing, all my energies were spent revising it. Econs was the worst results I've gotten for the subject in my life, even when I've read through my notes. Maths didn't improve but I'll need more honing and practice, that at least I know where I've gone wrong. GP was a huge unpleasant shock. I know my essay screwed up but I didnt expect it would turn out so bad. Freak. Now there's only Lit paper left. Queenie said Ms Yao told her most of our class got U for Othello which constitutes half the paper. FREAK. Hutt Shun said he heard that those who have 3 Us have to see Mr Tan Jek Suan and I would die of shame and embarrassment in front of a teacher, much less a Vice Principal. OMG. I dont want. I dont want laa. Why like that. Shit.
Above all these anxiety, worry and disappointment, I feel worse that I let so many people down. I know I am weak academically and so many have supported and encouraged me but I let them all down. I seriously hate this feeling luh.
EVELYN CHEN.
WHAT'S YOUR FREAKING PROBLEM.
WHY ARE YOU LIKE THAT.
I know it's no use crying over spilt milk and actions speak louder than words but just let me dwell in my failures and think whether the path I've chosen is right for me. I don't wish to give up on my subjects but.. I don't know, This time I really don't know.
