My mummy says It's not good to take pictures of the departed but I believe Auntie Meh Meh wont haunt me and scare me since she's the nicest nanny on earth.

She left last friday, approximately 11.30pm. Unconscious since afternoon, she finally let go of everything on earth and left us. I only got to know about her death on Saturday afternoon. My first reaction was shocked since the doctor told us she would have 6 months left to live. Next was angry. When I went home and in between tears, I shouted at my mum that the last time we went to visit her at St Joseph Hospice in Jurong, I told her I would visit her again and I was quite furious that she didn't wait for me to see her for another time before leaving. Then I felt bad, very depressed and downtrodden. It was my fault for having so many activities, I was going out everyday and didn't plan time to visit her. And I still dared to blame her. Her time wasn't up to her to decide anyway.

When I got news about her death, I was with Mama and Dabian since we were out celebrating Juon's birthday. If I hadn't been out with them, I think I would have broken down and cried right there and then. But it was a celebration, so the whole day I put on a smile. Quite hard actually. Any free moment was spent thinking about the past. And the funny thing was, for Juon's birthday celebration, we had a dress code of black and white suggested by Mama since Juon is a ghost and our attire would be of funeral clothes. It was very coincidental. Around the time when she passed away, I was on the phone planning for Juon's birthday and I sneezed many many times. It must have been a sign too.

This lady was so kind, so virtuous. She isn't related to me but she's a nanny to my friend for 8 years. She nonetheless cared for me as well and once in Primary school, I was a tracker and in hurdles. I ran the hurdles and halfway, I landed awkwardly and twisted my ankle. I remember her placing my foot on her knee and she was rubbing it and rotating the ankle. My God. I really miss her.

She was afraid that we would worry for her and quietly, in the night, she left my friend's house early this year. She had no savings and I don't know how she paid for her hospital fees and she even underwent 2 operations on her eye cataract. She didn't tell anyone about this and suffered on her own. Just when she thought she was well, she was diagnosed with leukemia. I started reading a Jodi Picoult book because I wanted to learn more about leukemia, then I came across a possible cure: Bone Marrow Transplant. My hopes really sank. I went for an operation on my left shin and according to medical practice I cannot donate blood at least for half a yer after the op so going for the bone marrow suitability test would be even more out of the question. I herd that after one day of chemotherapy, Auntie Meh Meh threw up and couldn't take it. So i guess, there was nothing we could do and she was awaiting death. The thought of this made me look away from her picture. I can just imagine that awful feeling.



After training on Monday, Cherie brought me to the church and before that, Nic gave us instructions on how to get to the florist. Bought these pretty flowers :)

On the day of her cremation at Mandai, my flowers were placed in her coffin. Felt glad that I thought of buying flowers, now they can accompany her on her last journey. The person giving the speech said this line "Today, the world is a much poorer place with the loss of Marianne." and this line, from quietly weeping, made me burst into tears. Freak. Several of the mourners are wardens from St Mary's church and they were so cute, especially the aunties, they wore the warden banner "ST MARY's" for MARY-anne.

As we watch her coffin head into the flames, her adopted son's wife screamed out "Mama, I will miss you, I will miss you Mama. I love you, Mama, don't go" and the feeling was very very very difficult to bear. Just broke down again. All around me, people were whispering "Goodbye, Marianne" or "See you again in Heaven". I watched half her coffin go into the flames and just couldn't bear to watch further.










Gabriel , Daryl and I at Daryl's house. Daryl impromptu wanted to test his hair straightener and used me as guinea pig! Hmpf.


Look at Gabriel, he looks so serious while straightening my hair he can make the cut to be a professional hair stylist in future! Lol.

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